Committing to the future...blah, blah, blog sheep
After 20 years of marriage, I just learned that someone close to me is in a difficult situation with their spouse. They caught the other cheating...after 20 years of marriage?!?!? I am surprised by the act of who it is, I am not surprised by the fact it happened. And quite honestly, I am more bothered by that. Here I sit, at this computer, typing this blog, and I am not shocked. I am seemingly unflustered in any way. How can this be?
It's odd that this news broke to me today because it was on the heels of another conversation I had revolving around relationships and finding "the one", knowing that the person you are with now is your "soulmate" or the love of your life. Is there a difference? Can you know if you have found both, or if you have only experienced one, are you positive you have not allowed for the other to be experienced. That is not to say you are not happy where you are...there's no reason not to be. In fact, I believe it is where most people plant themselves: between a unconditional love for someone they share special life moments with and the dream of someone that might possibly sweep them away with hardly any effort at all. (The grass is always greener belief)
These days, you meet someone, you fall "in love" and after a fair amount of time and the pressures of what occurs around us, you usually end up engaged. And you go through the emotions of an engagement, planning a wedding, living this fantasy everyone gloats through the entire time. Yet, the true purpose of what this day symbolizes can sometimes easily be forgotten. And rather than re-focusing, we keep trucking along. Do we ever try to re-visit our doubts or our questions? Do we ever re-affirm our loves and our admiration for one another? Do we stop, think and realize that this day is not about a glorious event, but rather, about sharing a life with one person and ending the thought that those dreams can be shared with anyone else? It is about finalizing your choice. It's about coming to conclusions and possibly even some closure in some chapters of your life.
But still, I find myself wondering if this "you just know when" idea we are all supposed to buy into does really exist. I believe you may know it's right--now. But now is really all we have. We don't know what we'll want 20 years from now. We don't know who we'll be, where we'll be. More so, how can you expect another person to make those decisions for their life right now as well? You can be with someone now, with the hopes of growing together, as long as you are willing to accept the possibilities, you may possibly change.
I guess what I am trying to say is that while we all hope the person we marry is the one we will be with forever, well, I am pretty sure everyone goes into a marriage with that same belief. Yet, somehow, it doesn't always work out. Being with someone through the years means committing to them now and today, on an everyday basis, being true to yourself, and growing together. Part of that may mean knowing that "the one" might not really exist. But rather, THIS love exists, which is what you are committed to. After all, how can you measure the amount of love you have for someone, if it is the most you can ever love another human being, and go so far as to call them "the one", if you haven't had the opportunity to meet someone else by which to measure your emotions just the same? However, the key to ending your search is making your commitment...which shouldn't change because 20 years has passed.
It's odd that this news broke to me today because it was on the heels of another conversation I had revolving around relationships and finding "the one", knowing that the person you are with now is your "soulmate" or the love of your life. Is there a difference? Can you know if you have found both, or if you have only experienced one, are you positive you have not allowed for the other to be experienced. That is not to say you are not happy where you are...there's no reason not to be. In fact, I believe it is where most people plant themselves: between a unconditional love for someone they share special life moments with and the dream of someone that might possibly sweep them away with hardly any effort at all. (The grass is always greener belief)
These days, you meet someone, you fall "in love" and after a fair amount of time and the pressures of what occurs around us, you usually end up engaged. And you go through the emotions of an engagement, planning a wedding, living this fantasy everyone gloats through the entire time. Yet, the true purpose of what this day symbolizes can sometimes easily be forgotten. And rather than re-focusing, we keep trucking along. Do we ever try to re-visit our doubts or our questions? Do we ever re-affirm our loves and our admiration for one another? Do we stop, think and realize that this day is not about a glorious event, but rather, about sharing a life with one person and ending the thought that those dreams can be shared with anyone else? It is about finalizing your choice. It's about coming to conclusions and possibly even some closure in some chapters of your life.
But still, I find myself wondering if this "you just know when" idea we are all supposed to buy into does really exist. I believe you may know it's right--now. But now is really all we have. We don't know what we'll want 20 years from now. We don't know who we'll be, where we'll be. More so, how can you expect another person to make those decisions for their life right now as well? You can be with someone now, with the hopes of growing together, as long as you are willing to accept the possibilities, you may possibly change.
I guess what I am trying to say is that while we all hope the person we marry is the one we will be with forever, well, I am pretty sure everyone goes into a marriage with that same belief. Yet, somehow, it doesn't always work out. Being with someone through the years means committing to them now and today, on an everyday basis, being true to yourself, and growing together. Part of that may mean knowing that "the one" might not really exist. But rather, THIS love exists, which is what you are committed to. After all, how can you measure the amount of love you have for someone, if it is the most you can ever love another human being, and go so far as to call them "the one", if you haven't had the opportunity to meet someone else by which to measure your emotions just the same? However, the key to ending your search is making your commitment...which shouldn't change because 20 years has passed.
posted by Nif | 1:01 AM
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