Should Children's Toys Have A Price Cap?

My Christmas season is never really complete until I visit FAO Schwarz in NYC on 5th Ave and Central Park South. There's something magical about that store. Going into it and seeing the toy soldiers, the working, larger-than-life clock, and all the different worlds that exist in one store. But last year I was severely disappointed to find out that the store would be closing and the space would be empty. FAO would no longer be there.

Typically, when we get the mail at our house, you would be hard-pressed to see me touch it much before a week of dust piles up. But today, the fiancee drops a catalog on my lap in an effort to possibly wake me out of the commatosed life I have been living. To my amazement, it was an FAO catalog. I used to love getting this catalog. It was filled with so many interesting toys all unique and special. Things you wouldn't usually find in those very commercialized toy stores. And there would be a few items that were for the people who had a few dollars more than the Average Joe. But for the most part, the catalog was just unique, and well-appreciated.

As I flipped through this come-back issue, I realized that this was not the FAO I had become used to. WAIT ONE MINUTE! WHO COULD AFFORD THESE GIFTS? I would have to remortgage my house for these gifts. "Welcome to our world of toys?" More like "Welcome to our world of debt" after making one of these purchases. Let's take a look at a few of the items from the catalog:

• LA PETITE MAISON CUSTOM PLAYHOUSE $30,000.00
• WILD ZEBRA ROCKING HORSE $9,000.00
• CHILD-SIZE MERCEDES 500 SL $15,000.00
• MORPHIS ESP MOTION SIMULATOR $300,000.00

Item #1, La Petite Maison Custom Playhouse, $30,000. This playhouse has it all, heating, air conditioning, running water, even bay windows. My question is, wouldn't you just play IN YOUR OWN HOUSE? Let me get this straight, your spending $30K so your child can play make-believe as a house wife/Mr.Mom in their very own mini-house? I agree a kid should be a kid and doesn't need to know about the struggles of being a grown-up just yet. But I think a cheaper playhouse would suffice. How screwed up is this idea? You don't think that if you build this type of a luxury house the kid is gonna want to be in it a little more than usual? Damn, I wish I had that at 9. I would have never been home. I would have moved out at 9. Besides, you can't get most 7-year-olds to clean their room, who's going to clean their house? What's next, laundry service? What do you think the taxes on this house are? Hell, most people I know could live in one of these playhouses at 25, not 5. (They have 8' ceilings, you know). And if Santa has to stuff his not-so-petite, fat ass down the chimney, well, I think there will be some explaining to do. Need I say anymore? See Alternative house.

Item#2, Wild Zebra Rocking Horse, $9,000. Ah, every child's favorite toy at one stage or another. Usually, it lasts all of 3 days. My rocking horse was very similar...Actually, that's a lie...I have NO IDEA what it looked like. I was 3 when I rode it. DO YOU REMEMBER YOURS? What I do remember is that it only goes back and forth. Back and forth...that's it...nothing more to see here people. It's not a magic rocking horse. It doesn't gallop to Spain or to China. Well, only in your imagination and any horse can do that. Sometimes, I do that when I am bored at work. But it's just a rocking horse. Mine worked just fine at 3 and I have no residual impairment from not having the $9,000 one. So as the holiday helper I am, here's a link to a cheaper version. And, don't feel guilty about the "only going back and forth" bit--THAT'S ALL IT IS SUPPOSED TO DO. Even the one at FAO can't do more than that.

Item #3, Child-Size Mercedes SL 500, $15,000. OK, I am attempting to remain calm during this segment. Childen today have the pleasure of riding in pint sized vehicles designed to replicate the the vehicles adults drive. Typically, they are pink or have the "Barbie" inscription on them. But this has taken it to a whole other level. First, the child is pint-sized. They are only allowed to cruise in their SL 500 up and down the driveway. Looking to pick up a lady? Your limits shouldn't be set any higher than the UPS driver or the postlady/mailperson because you can't LEAVE YOUR DRIVEWAY. Perhaps one day you will get lucky and you can try your mini-moves on the gardener. But other than that, where are you cruis'in to? The bus stop? A $15,000 "car", (and I quote it because it is not legally allowed on the streets and therefore cannot be classified as a car but more a toy), is more than some adults spend on their own family vehicles. What ever happened to the Barbie Ferrari and the GI Joe Jeeps? Don't those suffice anymore? And no girl likes a man who doesn't know how to allocate his funds appropriatley (still packing the PB&J for lunch?). Also, if you're driving a SL 500 and you still need your mom to give you a bath? Umm, not scoring a lot of points.

Item #4, MORPHIS ESP MOTION SIMULATOR $300,000.00. A child living a life of such boredom or pressure that he/she needs to escape to the moon or another type of "reality" to get away from this reality, needs to address more issues than what he/she should be putting on his/her Christmas list. Correct me if I am wrong, but shouldn't Xbox and Playstation 2 be fulfilling a child's needs just fine at this age? Why do you need a virtual reality simulator? For $5, I can take you out for a dirty water dog or pretzel, make you shop with me all day for shoes, have you clean my house, make my dinner, and then tell you "You're Fired". Now THAT is reality. It would save you a lot. And you could put it towards wallpapering the petite playhouse or something. Besides, I was on a Motion Simulator in DisneyWorld this summer, and trust me when I tell you it's not all it's cracked up to be...you'll thank me later.

As for the rest of the toys in the magazine, there are some that are affordable. However, those are the same ones you can buy everywhere else. I guess the catalog served it's purpose though: it cheered me up. And during a week when I have been noticing all the trees losing their beautiful colored leaves and turning bare in preparation for winter's chill, Christmas will be coming upon us shortly. And my FAO Schwarz catalog arrived right on time.